This is Crazy!

I no longer need to write on here for class, and my original intention was to stop writing on here, but today I found out something really cool and exciting and I need to write about it so I thought this would be the perfect solution.

I was on facebook as usual and I got an event invite from an old friend from my dance class at my old studio, Hailey Whitters. She graduated from Prairie High School last year and moved to Nashville, Tennessee for college. I've written on her facebook wall a couple of times to see how she was doing. She has been singing at local places in Nashville since she arrived down there. When I first heard this I thought it was pretty cool, but I completely underestimated how good she actually is. I figured she was just having a good time singing karaokes etc but it's much more than that. Her event invite was to come here her sing tomorrow night in Swisher, Iowa, just down the street from where she grew up. I went to her facebook page just to find out more about this show. On there she had information about her latest album release. I guess she has signed some kind of deal with a company in Nashville! I went to her myspace and listened to a few of her songs. I had no idea she was so good! I'm gonna keep saying it because I can't believe it! She's so much better than half the artists on the radio, especially ones like Taylor Swift. Look for her, Hailey Faith.

Almost a Perfect Day

This weekend went back and forth. Friday was necessary, I wish it was different but I can handle it. Saturday afternoon was an extension of Friday night and I thought it would give me some Saturday night. I got maybe an hour on Saturday. Sunday was looking good. There was no reason to be home, no early morning, nothing. I got my day and when I went for the night I got hit with a low blow. Stuck at home again. Locking myself in my room made me feel a little better. Then you came down. We fought, yelled, cried, agreed, and left. I knew I would get my Monday...

I slept in late. I had the car and my best friend. I went to the party, it was nice. I stayed there for a while. It was time to leave. I wasn't ready for lunch. Let's go to the park. You finally made up, thank God! There are too many bugs, let's leave. Covered in mud, let's go to your house. Clean again, I could use some lunch. What do you mean you can't find your key? Back to the park. No luck? Let's move on. She was a terrible waitress, but thanks for lunch. Let's listen to Narrow Stairs and relax. Your house? Surprise! It's hot! Can I borrow a swimsuit? I love the sun, even though I never get any tanner. Movie? I'll drive you there. I have to go, but enjoy the rest of the day...

Even after was perfect. Did some homework. Made that CD. Ate with the family. Cleaned my room. It would have been perfect if you were there...

Do I Know?

I heard what you said. Now, like always, I'm going to over analyze everything. I thought you were talking about me. I should have known better. I wish I would have turned the other way, so I wouldn't have this eating away at me. What are you talking about? Should I know? Is it me? You've never talked to me about this. Why not? I guess I can't really be mad at you, I'm doing the same thing to you.

There are so many things I wish I would have said. I wasn't upset about you, it was all about my lack of control over my life. You make me feel like a complete idiot, and as embarrassing as that is I can't get enough of it. I was jealous, everyone would be, can you blame me? That doesn't mean I was going to make you stop, that's not who I am. You think I'm so clueless about what actually happened, I'm not. I know what you really did when I was gone, I just chose to be a bigger person than you and again let that blow past. I'm not going to live your life for you, you can make your own mistakes, just don't take me with you, I'm smarter than that. Is that why?

It wasn't all bad. Why can't I remember the good times? The bad times weren't bad until you made them that way. I think about everything we did and how little I knew. Why didn't you just tell me? I would have done something for you. I played the "what if" game. What if my mom gave me the same freedoms? I would have done so much differently. I convinced myself that I wasn't overstepping, now I know I was, and I'm sorry for that.

I'm sure you'll never see this, but I'm going to pretend you did and you understood it even though I know you'll have no idea what I'm talking about. I don't know maybe I'm underestimating you. I wouldn't take it back, but I'd love to try over. Just don't think I'm holding my breath, I know better than that.

Love/Hate

I hate: graduation parties, family vacations, ending old relationships, David Cook, bad writing, foreshadowing, new groups, underclassmen, bent arms, people seeking attention, people who think far too highly of themselves, my parents, school, tests, projects, bad teachers, slow computers, drinking, drugs, and anyone who thinks they're better for doing either, death, lazy people, losing, cell phones, the future, dance team camp, crying, my life, people who pretend they don't care, people who do care, rich people, poor people, food poisoning, missing school, really fat people, really skinny people, shopping, caring about people, old friends, new friends, stupid fights, creating drama just because, working, this blog, curfews, ignorant people, cleaning my house, when my siblings come home, sharing, watching people destroy their lives, bad dancers, curly hair, Mary Murphy...

I love: F4E, Death Cab for Cutie, So You Think You Can Dance, creating new relationships, Travis Wall, my friends, Scrubs, Friends, dance team, show choir, choir, seniors graduating, Coldplay, re-reading Harry Potter for the billionth time, Jim Sturgess, being home alone, dancing, summer, weekends, good teachers, good music, bad music, making fun of people, being completely honest, death, people who care, people who work hard, being in charge, winning, cell phones, money, big cars, getting rides, driving, being alone, crying, good movies, bad movies, weddings, my life, spring, TF, sing alongs, painting, sarcasm, missing school, making new cds, facebook, San Diego, California, old friends, lifelong friends, new friends, creating drama just because, working, this blog, breaking the rules that should be broken, laughing, sneezing, cleaning my room, iTunes, New York City Dance Alliance, St. Louis, the Cardinals, New York, leaving home, staying with friends, my grandma, gossiping about people that are two feet away, YouTube, good dancers, Mia Michaels...

Narrow Stairs

On May 13th Death Cab for Cutie released their new album Narrow Stairs. After a week of waiting I finally got my hands on a copy. This CD is brilliant. A friend (can you guess who? That's right, Sean Bateman) played me their single "I Will Possess Your Heart" when it was first released. The song is eight minutes and thirty-five seconds long. When Sean first played it for me we were driving in his car by the river before show choir practice and I fell in love with it. The first four minutes and thirty-five seconds is instrumental. I thought that when I listened to the song on repeat (which I usually do when I first fall in love with a song) that I would probably find myself fast forwarding. After listening to this song over 40 times on only my iPod I still have never skipped the instrumental because it's just that good.

After obsessing over their single I couldn't wait for the rest of the album to be released. It's not as upbeat and cheery as the music I would normally listen to in the spring but it's so brilliant that I've made an exception for it. I find myself listening to this CD at night on my drive home from where ever I'm coming from. It's slightly darker than their previous albums which makes it a perfect night time CD. My favorite songs include "I Will Posses Your Heart", "The Ice is Getting Thinner", "Your New Twin Sized Bed", "Bixby Canyon Bridge", "No Sunlight" (which is more upbeat than you think it is). Basically I just love the whole album and everything about it.

And I Will Fix You

Since the bell rang releasing me from sixth hour yesterday I have not stopped listening to the song "Fix You" by Coldplay (okay well maybe I have stopped listening to it for a little bit but it's been pretty much constantly). I have gone though many phases in my life with Coldplay and I guess this another one. This song has come up twice in the last week (the first time is a dance choreographed by Travis Wall, of course) so when I got home from school I decided that I should listen to it. The summer before my freshman year is when Coldplay's album X & Y was released. During that summer my sister moved back home and her and I spent a lot of time making photo albums of our childhood trying to clean out some of her boxes. As I was listening to it again all I could think about were those photo albums. So I pulled my album off the bookshelf in my room, wiped the dust off, and looked though it. I looked though various photo albums that I have made for a solid two hours listening only to Coldplay. Throughout those two hours I was reminded of many things from my past; my dad, my dance studio, old friends, ex-"boyfriends" (the middle school ones that don't count), when my siblings lived at home, my old cat, etc. As all these memories came to mind I went on to read my old diaries (that I only wrote in like once a year about dance and of course boys). After laughing over my diaries for a good period of time I found some old notes from middle school/freshman year (which were ridiculously embarrassing and hysterical). While I was reliving all these memories (especially the middle school ones) I remember how at the time everything was such a huge deal to me, and now looking back I laugh about it. I guess this was just the reality check I needed to reminded me to stop worrying about everything and just live life because in the long run whatever my issues are now, no matter how big they may appear, they won't be anything but a funny memory to me.

Why Don't We Get What We Work For?

All of my time lately has been spent with or at dance team, so it’s all I’m thinking about. Over the past couple of days I was talking to my friends, Amanda, about how no one really considers dance team as a sport. Amanda plays basketball and we were comparing the two sports. Dance team has more practices for longer times, and we hold practices all year round, we also qualify for state every year and we bring home many awards, we do many community service projects as a team. Even after all of this we still have the “bad name”. A lot of people think of the girl on dance team as ‘mean drunks’ who are ‘big sluts’. While this may have been true 4 years ago now it’s a stereotype that is completely untrue and I don’t want associated with my name. As a team we are required to give off a good name for dance team. We have to have above a 3.7 for an overall GPA or else we have to have private tutors, not to mention the extra running we have to do at practice if it ever drops below that. After all we strive for we get nothing in return. Just before state we wanted thirty minutes on one of the gym floors to get a feel for a different floor, we ever go tit because apparently that was too much to ask to share. While I understand that basketball can’t really practice anywhere else because they need the nets we can’t really practice in the hall because we need more room to dance. When Amanda and I were talking she asked me where the dance team girls change because we don’t have a locker room, I explained that we get to change in the bathroom when there’s enough room. So all the other sports get the gym and a locker room the dance team is stuck with a hallway and bathroom.